How to Take Good Photos for Dating Apps/IG ft. BowTiedApollo
A primer on the basics
Today we have an excellent post covering aesthetics from a good friend in the BowtiedJungle, @BowTiedApollo.
Apollo is our resident “Aesthetics Expert,” he has a natural eye for beauty, art, and things that just “look good.”
Naturally, then, today’s post covers the basics of taking good photos for use on dating apps and instagram.
If you enjoy this content and want additional inspiration on the topics of beauty, art, literature, and aesthetics, check out Apollo’s Substack, which goes into incredible detail on all these topics.
I really appreciate Apollo going through the effort of writing this out, there’s excellent info below that should help all of you improve how you present yourself digitally.
Alright, over to Apollo *salute*
Mastering Digital Aesthetics
Hey guys, BowTiedApollo here.
Dating in the 21st century is a little bit more nuanced than it has been in the past.
Obviously, meeting people in person is always the best option. You get instant vibe checks, the best people aren’t on apps, and apps don’t have exclusivity, etc.
However, a ton of people do use apps, for a variety of reasons. One benefit is quickly and aggressively filtering out undesirables. It'd take years to put up the same numbers in real life. Especially if you live in a bad area.
If you’re going to use apps, there are easy ways to have an above-average profile. Your bio and other details don’t matter much if you seem attractive and interesting, so choosing the right photos will increase chances of getting matches.
Feel free to A/B test and use multiple apps.
Additionally, the basics also apply to Instagram, especially if you’re going to use it to find dates.
For starters, a dating app profile will depend on a bunch of factors. This includes race, body type, hobbies, and if you’re looking for someone short-term or long-term. I’m not going to discuss these nuances because (1) they’re too individualized (2) I’m not qualified to talk about those tiny details because I never needed them. I’m a former model and went to art school, bros.
What I DO know is that attractive and interesting people have the easiest time in dating. It’s an objective fact. Aesthetics matter and so does the Halo Effect. We can go over a few general guidelines that are likely to be helpful for the majority of guys and gals.
Choosing Photos
Have a plan in mind. Compile an assortment of photos showing different aspects of who you are and what you’re looking for. Each picture should fall into a distinct category. And you probably want to upload the maximum number of photos.
Editor’s Note: On Instagram, your goal is to at least fill up someone’s screen whenever they visit your profile. 9 photos is the minimum, 15 is ok, 30 is ideal.
Photos are meant to show off attractiveness and status. If something doesn’t help increase one of these, don’t use it. If you’re ugly or short, focus on things under your control, like status and power.
The first rule is NO SELFIES, especially for men. If you have friends or money then you don’t need to take pictures of yourself.
In either case, you can hire a photographer to get some decent shots. Professional portrait photography, or any photography student at a nearby college if you’re on a budget. Pro photos might look tryhard in some locations. YMMV. It’s normal in big cities to see headshots used in dating apps. It helps show off markers of beauty and health like facial symmetry and clear skin.
DIY photography is tough to pull off if you don’t have photography or modeling experience. Having the correct lighting and lens is very important. Bad photos can make you appear ugly even if you aren’t.
Editor’s Note: I’ve experimented with both an iPhone Camera and a DSLR Camera. For most cases, if you find someone who has a good “eye” and is skilled, an iPhone camera can get you 80% of the quality of a DSLR. For most people, this is “good enough.”
To Apollo’s point, you obviously can get a tripod or one of your bros to take your photos. Only do this if at least one of you knows wtf you’re doing. Otherwise you will end up with half baked results.
If you can find a female friend to help you with this, this is preferred. Women have better intuition for things that look aesthetically pleasing.
Keep in mind that photos should be tailored toward your target demographic. If you want a redneck then don’t go the photography studio route unless you know what you’re doing. If you want one-night-stands then show extra skin. If you like bookworms then don’t have skydiving pics. Etc.
Editor’s Note: Understanding this is critical. The photos you post will communicate who you are and naturally filter out mates that do not fit your lifestyle. A typical New York or LA woman might not find the below Cowboy photo interesting, but she might find a photo of you attending a Gala in a tuxedo interesting.
If you hire a photographer, candid street photos are good too. This showcases your fashion sense, where you’re likely to be seen, may indicate height, and shows whether you’re in shape. Candid is important so it feels authentic and natural. If you’re shit at modeling then results may look staged in a studio environment.
Editor’s Note: If you’re going to go the solo or “phone-a-friend” route, one way to capture “candidness” is to record a video of you walking around/doing something instead of posing. Once you capture a video, just select a frame that captures you looking relaxed/candid.
Something like the below photo captures the “effortless” look. This is what you are after.
Simply having a normal BMI and not dressing like a Walmart reject will put you in the top 30-50% of people. A guy who’s jacked and fashionable is in the top 10-20% without even considering personality or social skills.
Most of your photos should focus on you. Don’t be that person where every pic is a group photo with unobscured faces so no one can tell which one you are.
Editor’s Note: This is INCREDIBLY important. Do not post any photos where it’s not immediately obvious that it’s you in the shot. Don’t use any photos that are aimed at your back, make sure you have a clear shot of your face.
You do need at least 1-2 group photos though. Use your phone to put stickers over the faces that aren’t yours. Stickers are more ‘fun’ than blurring them out. Group photos (3+ people visible) are useful for showing that you’re not a maladapted loser with zero friends. If other people can stand you, it proves that you have basic social skills. It’s like the Wedding Ring Effect.
If you’re a man, you must be the tallest person in group photos. Height is a status symbol. “Must be over 6 feet” is both meme and reality.
Pictures with animals work like group photos too, especially with dogs. Everyone likes dogs. It shows that you’re responsible and probably likable.
At least one photo should show you engaging in an interesting hobby. Something cool that you can talk about in depth. Diving, blacksmithing, surfing, playing music, etc. Dramatic landscapes can help (hiking, rock climbing, etc). Men and women have different interests so they don’t need to line up. Men focus on aggressive hobbies like MMA and women focus on softer hobbies. The important thing is to show that you’re not a lazy bum. It’s especially important for men to promise adventure to potential matches. Both genders have to clearly state through photos “I’m not boring.”
Editor’s Note: I am a huge fan of skiing/mountaineering, so I have a couple of killer shots on top of mountains sort of like the one below. Like Apollo says, this demonstrates that you have a personality, it’s eye catching, and it tells a story to other people.
You should see this as an opportunity to go and try out new things and explore the world.
Additionally, depending on the hobbies you pick, this communicates something about you too. Skiing and Mountaineering isn’t necessarily cheap, so without saying it, it tells people “oh, he’s got money to spend doing this.”
You can be shallow and boring for a smash and dash, sure. It’s still a status symbol to have the time and money to do cool things. And if you want to meet up for more than a few minutes, then hobbies maintain long-term interest and conversation.
In Summary
Areas of focus:
Don’t be ugly - general attractiveness, including height and fitness
Don’t be broke - status indicators like good fashion and/or expensive hobbies
Don’t be boring - provide entertainment, humor, or general interest
Don’t be a loser - have friends and/or pets
Don’t appeal to everyone - tailor your profile to appeal to your target demographic
You can choose to showcase fame or wealth too, but that’s not the best idea in rough economic climates. There are stories of people getting drugged by dates for their cash, watches, cryptocurrency, etc. You’d have to tread carefully.
Editor’s Note: Using IG/Dating Apps doesn’t have to put you at any more risk than having a linkedin. Be mindful of what you are communicating through your photos. If you take a photo flexing a rolex in front of a lambo, HFBK, but if you’re just taking a pic from the top of a trail you hiked, you’re not really going to draw attention to yourself.
As always, OPSEC is important.
An example photo lineup:
1. just you (medium shot so face is clear, not a selfie)
2. showing a fun hobby
3. you with 2+ friends, with their faces censored out
4. showing full body in casual/candid situation (you must be in shape)
5. personality emphasis / humorous photo
6. dog(s)
Avoiding apps altogether is better. But it's not hard to stand out, especially if you know a photographer.
Outperform the average.
Closing Remarks
That’s it from BowtiedApollo.
One thing he didn’t mention above, which I think is a great way of making your photos “pop,” is using light room/VSCO to add filters to your photos. Don’t just mindlessly throw on some garbage on your photos because you think it’s going to look good. Take a look at what influencers, movie stars, etc are doing on their social media pages for inspiration.
Fundamentally, this will not turn a shit photo into a great photo, but if you’re working with A/A- material, this might give you a slight edge over other people.
Please drop comments below if you have any follow up questions about the above.
Until next time…
useful post.