Real Talk on Expectations

A Primer on Dating Realities

“I want you to stay in”

“I expect sex every single night”

“Your single friends are going to ruin our relationship”

We’ve all experienced flashes of emotion like these.

Thoughts about what we think our partner should or shouldn’t do.

Sane or insane, reasonable or not.

Simply put, those are expectations.

Having expectations is completely normal, but truthfully, some expectations are more realistic than others.

Setting realistic expectations is crucial for success in dating and relationships and doing it without feeling like you’re negotiating a corporate deal is even more important.

Many of us have made this mistake, ruining a relationship with an immature or uncalibrated approach.

You get done hanging out with another couple and rather than reflecting on how much fun it was, you start with “I couldn’t imagine having a relationship like that” talking about some other relationship.

Instantly, the 20-minute car ride home, and maybe even the rest of the night turns into you talking with your significant other about how your relationship should or shouldn’t work.

And then emotions escalate.

Your “expectations” are now seen as constricting, and instead of serving as a way to align on goals, you’re seen as overbearing, controlling, or annoying.

Eventually too many “hard lines” are built all over the place, and it comes to a point of tension, where everything can fall.

Let me give you a great example:

A good friend of mine, nearly 50 years old, has never been married. Rockstar sales guy, worth a few mill, has dated a stunners left and right.

I asked him once, “Hey man, why have you never settled down?”

“Simple, I tell all of them the same thing. I’m only going to do this while this is fun” and as soon as it stops being fun I’m out.

“Nowadays, I’m so set in my ways, it’s just too difficult to make my life fit with someone else.”

Read that over again.

Eventually, your expectations can strangle your ability to find someone to pair with (which may be what you care about).

So what can you do about this?