"The Talk" + "The Process"

A Comprehensive Guide to Defining the Relationship

👨🏻: "Hey, so we've been seeing each other for a while now, and I've really enjoyed our time together."

👩🏻: "Yeah, me too! It's been fun."

👨🏻: "Great, so... what are we?"

👩🏻: "Uh, what do you mean?"

👨🏻: "You know, like, are we exclusive or just hanging out or...?"

👩🏻: "Oh...um, I thought we were just having fun? Did you think this was serious?"

*Press F to pay respects*

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Unfortunately - the above conversation is all too familiar these days.

In the world of swiping right and DM slides, the line between "just hanging out" and "in a relationship" has blurred, sometimes to the point of being unrecognizable.

Considering many of us start dating through casual “situationships,” it’s quite common to experience awkward exchanges like the above every once in a while.

However, in the absence of clarity, I genuinely believe all of you in these early dating stages have a MASSIVE opportunity to lead these conversations on your own, and to define your relationships on your terms before running into one of these awkward conversations.

The Ghosts of 'Situationships' Past

Let’s be real, before you even get to "the talk," you're likely navigating a "situationship"— that gray area where you're more than friends but less than exclusive partners.

The term "situationship" itself reflects its transient nature; it's a situation, not a solid state. For many, situationships become haunted by their past iterations. These are the "Ghosts of Situationships Past"—the lingering emotional baggage, the "almost relationships," and the haunting "what-ifs."

The Chains of Ambiguity

The most notorious aspect of a situationship is its inherent ambiguity.

While this vagueness can be thrilling at first, providing a low-pressure setting to get to know someone, it also serves as fertile ground for misunderstandings and unspoken expectations.

This is an easy trap to fall into. Society has conditioned most people to play things close to their chest, and I think naturally we’re all predisposed to fear rejection - especially when you’re 100% open with your intentions.

Nonetheless - this is where I invite you to have a change in perspective in how you date, because this is actually one of the most powerful positions to be in when dating.

Defining the Relationship - An Ongoing Process

This leads us to my favorite strategy to overcoming “situationships.”

Let’s consider the following scenario:

Guy A meets Girl A. On paper, they are a good fit. They are both similarly attractive, they have similar beliefs about marriage and gender roles in relationships, they even share the same religious background.

However, as it turns out, Guy A dreams of living on a 1000 acre ranch, and Girl A wants to live in the UES.

Plot the trajectory of their lives, and it doesn’t look good.

“Y” does not equal “mx + b.”

The math simply ain’t mathing.

Typically, these two would date casually for a few months, potentially develop some feelings for each other, maybe even end up in a relationship, and potentially break up when one or both of them realize that staying in this relationship would mean sacrificing your “goal” in life.

This is, IMHO, a losing strategy for everyone.

As you may know, life is a game of opportunity cost, and time spent with the wrong person is time you can’t get back, time that could have been spent finding the RIGHT person.

How do we avoid these “situationships” that lead us nowhere?

Enter The Process